Divorce: Secrets To Coping With A Divorce Announcement

During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in matrimony, they swear and vow to honor and respect each other and to remain partners both during good and bad times.

But in most marriages, this is not always the case.

One out of every two marriages in America is failing and will explode in divorce.

It takes two people to make a marriage succeed.

Marriages fail because of the differences in the two people involved, because of conflicts and various problems in life.

Here are some marital insights to help you to cope with a divorce announcement.

No one is perfect, and happiness in life is a matter of learning from our mistakes.

There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon a woman than the announcement by her husband that he wants a divorce.

Even if both parties have "seen it coming" for some time, and the announcement really comes as no big surprise, the actual announcement is quite similar to a bomb exploding in your face.

It can be difficult to finally admit that the person you held hands with so many years ago, and promised to love - honor - and obey - to be supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad - through sickness and health - for richer or poorer -who no longer wants you or your love, has turned out not to be an angel as you originally thought and believed but a monster.

When you first hear the announcement for a divorce from your spouse, it may sound unreal, and difficult to believe.

You may be thrown into a cyclone of self-denial.

It may take time to sink in your head.

And when it finally sinks inside, you may be overcome with a feeling of betrayal, then guilt, then hot anger and finally perhaps rage.

You’ve to understand that these feelings are normal and don’t let them destroy the rest of your life.

It is of the utmost importance that when you face this kind of heart rendering situation that you find the courage to understand that you can recover -that you will recover.

It will be hard, but you must immediately and absolutely turn the page on that chapter of your life.

You must quickly and absolutely sever all ties with that person - the one that has inflicted this pain upon you.

Get them out of your house. Get rid of all things that remind you of them. Change your phone number.

If necessary, move into a new home or apartment.

Re-locate to another city.

You must put an immediate end to your marriage.

Once a man/woman has announced to you that he/she no longer wants you for a wife/husband, you have to start thinking about your own survival.

It's going to be similar to losing a vital part of your body, but you must let go, and the sooner you do let go - completely end that chapter of your life - the sooner you'll be able to set about rebuilding your life and ultimately finding the happiness you want.

Between the time that your husband announces the end of the marriage, and the time when you'll find new happiness, you're going to hurt like you've never dreamed possible.

You're going to go through a number of mental and emotional phases - all of which are perfectly normal and necessary in order for you to "heal yourself" of this great hurt.

You'll never be able to enjoy love or attain true happiness until you have discharged the past from your system and healed yourself.

Think of all you're going through as a wound similar to a gash on your arm or leg.

It's going to hurt, and you're going to bleed, but with the proper care and time, you will recover.

You must understand that divorce is quite common - you're not alone nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven't experienced - and that in order to "get well," you must understand the nature of the wound, what to do in order to heal it, and as much about the pre-requisites to total recovery as possible.

At first, you'll probably deny that this is happening to you.

You may pretend that it's just a bad dream or some sort of bad joke he's pulling on you.

This type of thinking is normal, but it only prolongs the agony of your hurt.

You must face the reality of the situation - accept the fact that your marriage is over - and get on with the task of finding happiness for yourself, immediately.

You'll probably lay awake in bed at night and review "every minute" of your marriage - thinking that in this or that circumstance, you could've been a better wife, and from there beg for another chance.

You'll want to accept full responsibility - at least a big share of the guilt - for the problems that caused the break-up of your marriage.

These thoughts are only natural, but they cannot put your marriage back together, and any attempts to "try one more time," at this stage will only cause you greater pain.

You must accept the fact that your marriage is over, and busy your mind and yourself, with activities that don't allow you time to "rehash" the events of the past. Don't allow yourself to dwell upon guilt feelings.

Just because your marriage is over doesn’t mean that your life is over.

The earth is very big with billions of people and you must believe that there are many other human beings out there who will love to become your partner again.

Accept your own short-comings; vow that you will profit from what you've experienced; and then get on with your life.

You'll never be comfortable with yourself, nor find real happiness so long as you're dragging "guilt feelings" from your past around with you.

Somewhere along the way, you'll become so angry with your ex-husband - the world - and even God, that you'll be beyond yourself in your ability to express it all.

If you feel you need it, go for a therapy and counseling.

It will be necessary that you express this anger - to get it all out of your system -before you'll be able to "feel good" around men again.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration.

It's such a volatile and all-consuming emotion that unless you give it an outlet, it will literally eat you alive.

Understand your anger, and manage it in a manner that will benefit you - in such a way that your expression of it is constructive to your regaining your emotional health.

A few things you might think about doing: write the complete story of your marriage for your kids,; how you met, your dreams and hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each of you made, and how - beyond either of your capabilities to control - the marriage just came to an end... write in precise detail exactly what is making you angry, and why.

Put it in letter form to your ex-husband and really tell him everything that has been, and is bothering you.

Let him know that you are a person with wants and needs too.

Stand in front of a mirror and "rehearse" an angry confrontation with your ex-husband and/or anyone else involved.

Make an appointment with your priest or minister; or find a friend who'll listen as you explain the frustration, hurt and futility you feel.

Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that you let it all out. This anger and bitterness you feel is like a poison that you must cleanse from your soul.

The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life –re-gain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

Finally, there'll come a day when you'll no longer be bothered by thoughts of your ex-husband.

It won't even bother you when you see him with another woman, and that'll be the day when you've finally accepted the fact that your marriage to him is over.

You will have truly let go of him, and will be ready for a new try at happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your husband (or wife) to acceptance of the fact that you don't want him (or here) if he/she doesn't want you, and positioning you for a second chance, won't come easily.

It may take you about two and a half to three years.

You must understand the damage you've sustained, the healing that's required, and the time it's going to take to get well.

May these insights into divorce and how to cope with it help you to re-discover yourself and sustain you for a better future.

Warmly,

I-key Benney

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Divorce Statistics And Effects Of Divorce On Children

There are many couples today that cannot make their marriage work and they jump to the conclusion that they must get a divorce. This is something that both parties may agree to or just one person in the relationship may have this idea on their mind. Either way, it is the ending of a marriage and something that needs to be thought about very carefully before doing going through with it.

A divorce will sometimes be called a decree of dissolution of a marriage. It is a legal process that has to go through the divorce courts. You cannot have just anyone terminate your marriage. It is final and it is a very serious matter that two people need to think about when their marriage is not making them happy. However there are things that a couple can do first before they decide to actually get divorced.

A divorce is the termination process of a valid marriage between two people. There are different reasons for divorce for different people. Many times a couple will try many other actions before they go ahead and file for a divorce. They may try counseling or talking to one another. They may also decide to take a vacation away from everyone else and try to work it all out. Sometimes it is just not possible to get through all the hard times and move past them with a happy marriage. It is sometimes the only choice between two people.

With a divorce the parties or court will resolve all the issues that are between them like the house, and other property that they jointly own, child custody and visitation as well as support in the form of alimony and from whom. There are many people that end their marriage peacefully and yet there are others that make it drag on for many years because they cannot agree on anything for the divorce. In fact current divorce statistics show that 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.

The process of the divorce is going to be hard on all the parties, but the effects of divorce on children needs to be carefully monitored. This is something that can really upset them and it is important to make sure that they get the care and the love that they need to understand that everything will be all right, and that they are not to be concerned with anything that the adults go through. This will help to comfort them and give them the secure feeling that all children need in this time of separation.

Divorce does not mean that the two people that were once married can no longer speak or have a normal friendship. In fact it is recommended that if there is children involved the divorced parents need to work together to make a divorce as easy as possible. This will keep everyone happy and make the divorce not seem so cold as many do.

Michael Spencer owns and operates http://www.divorceandlife.com Divorce Statistics

Divorce Recovery And Personal Principles - Maintain Clear Direction During The Chaos Of Divorce Reco

Divorce recovery often leaves us feeling lost, off-balance, disoriented, and vulnerable. Sometimes we feel as if we are careening off course and out of control. Our personal principles can give us confidence by reassuring us we are on course in our journey to a successful and satisfying life after divorce.

Divorce Recovery is Like Driving Down the Interstate in a Fog
An image that made sense to me when I was neck-deep in the divorce recovery process was driving down the interstate in a dense fog. A very real question for me was, "How can I make sure I stay in the road and not drive into the ditch?" Fortunately, superhighways have a way of reminding us when we are straying off course - those rat-a-tat-tat bumps on the side of the road that warn us we are getting too close to the shoulder. Our personal principles perform the same function - warning us when we are veering off course.

An Example of How Your Personal Principles Can Help Your Recovery from Divorce
A client of mine was having trouble negotiating the choppy waters of life after divorce. Some of his issues were: "How should I deal with my ex?" "What do I do about dating?" "How should I manage the proceeds of the sale of my Soho loft?" These, and other related issues, were driving him crazy. He had trouble focusing on one without another wedging its way into his head. Metaphorically, he was trying to go forward in a fog. When asked what his primary personal principles were in dealing with this time in his life, he responded, "The welfare of my two children." With that, the fog lifted. He realized that using his primary principle of "what's best for my kids" as a compass gave him clarity for traveling the blurry road of divorce recovery.

The Promise - You Can Make a Successful Recovery from Divorce Because You Have Stability of Direction
The good news is, we all carry a compass we can use when lost and vulnerable. It will guide us through the maze of divorce recovery with a true feeling of stability and control. That compass is our set of personal principles. Our principles give us a way to determine if our decisions and actions are right or wrong for us in this specific divorce recovery situation. All we have to do is ask, "Is this consistent with or is it against my principles?" The answer will set you free to travel the murky waters of life after divorce.

To learn more about the divorce recovery process and how you can speed up your return to a "normal" life, you are invited to visit http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com To get a free assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level you are invited to visit http://www.smoothdivorcerecovery.com/divstress.htm I help divorced clients return to the mainstream of life with renewed hope, unfettered by the chains of anger, resentment, and shame that accompany divorce.

My name is Jerald Young. I am a transition consultant and divorce recovery coach and I wish you the very best in making a smooth recovery from divorce.

Rhode Island Divorce - "Post Divorce Do's And Dont's" -Family Law & Child Support by a RI Lawyer

(For your convenience, I have prepared this list of "Post Divorce Do's and Don'ts" which are applicable to Rhode Island divorces. Some may be applicable to your case and many will not be applicable. Please take a few minutes to read this. If you have any questions about this article or need any legal help please contact a Rhode Island divorce attorney)

Do's

Keep accurate records of child support, alimony, or other property settlement payment(s). In the event that there is a dispute as to whether or not you have made payments, accurate records are important for proof of payment.

If you have a property settlement agreement in your case, any changes to the property settlement agreement must be in writing and signed by both parties.

In the event that you do not have a property settlement agreement and there is only a final judgment in your case, changes can only be made by application to the court for a modification of the final judgment based on a substantial change of circumstances.

If visitation of your children is in dispute, keep accurate records of your visitations documenting dates, times, activities and/or confrontations with your ex-spouse.

If your ex-spouse is on "welfare" (afdc benefits) then do not make direct payments to her or him! You must make the payment to the State of Rhode Island. In the event that your ex-spouse is on welfare and you make payments directly to her/him, then these payments will be considered a gift. The State of Rhode Island (RI) will still pursue you for the child support payments, despite the fact that you have made the payments to your ex-spouse directly. This means that you will have to make double payments of child support.

Do not modify the property settlement agreement by an oral agreement. ALL changes to a property settlement agreement must be in writing, signed by both parties.

Do not make cash payments of alimony or child support without a signed receipt from your ex-spouse.

If you make payments directly to your child or buy anything for your child, these payments will be considered gifts to your child and will not be a credit towards child support. Therefore, if you want these types of payments to be considered child support, they must be given directly to your spouse as child support.

If there is a restraining order or no contact order in your case, do not contact your ex-spouse without the restraining order being dismissed. Even if your ex-spouse initiates the communication or invites you over, you could still be arrested for violating the restraining order. Any type of communication is a violation of the restraining order including e-mails, letters, faxes or voice mail messages. Do not rely on your ex-spouse's insistence that a restraining order has been dismissed. You need to verify with the Clerk of the Rhode Island Family Court that the restraining order has been dismissed.

Important Information

If your circumstances change, look into filing a motion to modify alimony, immediately. This only applies if the alimony is modifiable. If there is a property settlement agreement that is incorporated into the final judgment that states that alimony is non modifiable then the alimony is non modifiable. If there is no property settlement in your case and an award of alimony, then the alimony is probably modifiable upon a substantial change in circumstances. A substantial change of circumstances could be a loss of income, loss of a job or a disability etc.

A. Child Support

Child support does not automatically terminate when your child reaches eighteen (18) years of age. Child support will automatically accrue unless a Motion to Terminate Child Support is filed.

If you are the parent with physical placement of your child/children and your income significantly decreases or your ex-spouse's income significantly increases, then you should contact a lawyer to file a Motion to increase your child support payments.

If you are the parent without physical placement of your child and your income decreases significantly or your ex-spouse's income significantly increases, then you should contact a lawyer to file a Motion to lower your child support obligation. If you cannot pay your child support because of a change in circumstances you need to file a motion to modify child support immediately otherwise you can be subjected to a contempt proceeding for failure to pay child support.

David Slepkow is a Rhode Island lawyer concentrating in divorce, family law, child support, custody and visitation. David has been practicing for over 9 years and is licensed in rhode Island , Massachusetts and Federal Court. David is a partner at Slepkow Slepkow and Associates inc. The firm has been in existence for 75 years. You can contact David Slepkow by going to http://www.slepkowlaw.com and using the convenient contact form or calling him. There is also more helpful information concerning Rhode Island divorce and family law on the website.