Divorce: Secrets To Coping With A Divorce Announcement

During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in matrimony, they swear and vow to honor and respect each other and to remain partners both during good and bad times.

But in most marriages, this is not always the case.

One out of every two marriages in America is failing and will explode in divorce.

It takes two people to make a marriage succeed.

Marriages fail because of the differences in the two people involved, because of conflicts and various problems in life.

Here are some marital insights to help you to cope with a divorce announcement.

No one is perfect, and happiness in life is a matter of learning from our mistakes.

There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted upon a woman than the announcement by her husband that he wants a divorce.

Even if both parties have "seen it coming" for some time, and the announcement really comes as no big surprise, the actual announcement is quite similar to a bomb exploding in your face.

It can be difficult to finally admit that the person you held hands with so many years ago, and promised to love - honor - and obey - to be supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad - through sickness and health - for richer or poorer -who no longer wants you or your love, has turned out not to be an angel as you originally thought and believed but a monster.

When you first hear the announcement for a divorce from your spouse, it may sound unreal, and difficult to believe.

You may be thrown into a cyclone of self-denial.

It may take time to sink in your head.

And when it finally sinks inside, you may be overcome with a feeling of betrayal, then guilt, then hot anger and finally perhaps rage.

You’ve to understand that these feelings are normal and don’t let them destroy the rest of your life.

It is of the utmost importance that when you face this kind of heart rendering situation that you find the courage to understand that you can recover -that you will recover.

It will be hard, but you must immediately and absolutely turn the page on that chapter of your life.

You must quickly and absolutely sever all ties with that person - the one that has inflicted this pain upon you.

Get them out of your house. Get rid of all things that remind you of them. Change your phone number.

If necessary, move into a new home or apartment.

Re-locate to another city.

You must put an immediate end to your marriage.

Once a man/woman has announced to you that he/she no longer wants you for a wife/husband, you have to start thinking about your own survival.

It's going to be similar to losing a vital part of your body, but you must let go, and the sooner you do let go - completely end that chapter of your life - the sooner you'll be able to set about rebuilding your life and ultimately finding the happiness you want.

Between the time that your husband announces the end of the marriage, and the time when you'll find new happiness, you're going to hurt like you've never dreamed possible.

You're going to go through a number of mental and emotional phases - all of which are perfectly normal and necessary in order for you to "heal yourself" of this great hurt.

You'll never be able to enjoy love or attain true happiness until you have discharged the past from your system and healed yourself.

Think of all you're going through as a wound similar to a gash on your arm or leg.

It's going to hurt, and you're going to bleed, but with the proper care and time, you will recover.

You must understand that divorce is quite common - you're not alone nor going through anything that a lot of other people haven't experienced - and that in order to "get well," you must understand the nature of the wound, what to do in order to heal it, and as much about the pre-requisites to total recovery as possible.

At first, you'll probably deny that this is happening to you.

You may pretend that it's just a bad dream or some sort of bad joke he's pulling on you.

This type of thinking is normal, but it only prolongs the agony of your hurt.

You must face the reality of the situation - accept the fact that your marriage is over - and get on with the task of finding happiness for yourself, immediately.

You'll probably lay awake in bed at night and review "every minute" of your marriage - thinking that in this or that circumstance, you could've been a better wife, and from there beg for another chance.

You'll want to accept full responsibility - at least a big share of the guilt - for the problems that caused the break-up of your marriage.

These thoughts are only natural, but they cannot put your marriage back together, and any attempts to "try one more time," at this stage will only cause you greater pain.

You must accept the fact that your marriage is over, and busy your mind and yourself, with activities that don't allow you time to "rehash" the events of the past. Don't allow yourself to dwell upon guilt feelings.

Just because your marriage is over doesn’t mean that your life is over.

The earth is very big with billions of people and you must believe that there are many other human beings out there who will love to become your partner again.

Accept your own short-comings; vow that you will profit from what you've experienced; and then get on with your life.

You'll never be comfortable with yourself, nor find real happiness so long as you're dragging "guilt feelings" from your past around with you.

Somewhere along the way, you'll become so angry with your ex-husband - the world - and even God, that you'll be beyond yourself in your ability to express it all.

If you feel you need it, go for a therapy and counseling.

It will be necessary that you express this anger - to get it all out of your system -before you'll be able to "feel good" around men again.

Anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration.

It's such a volatile and all-consuming emotion that unless you give it an outlet, it will literally eat you alive.

Understand your anger, and manage it in a manner that will benefit you - in such a way that your expression of it is constructive to your regaining your emotional health.

A few things you might think about doing: write the complete story of your marriage for your kids,; how you met, your dreams and hopes, the good and the bad, the sacrifices each of you made, and how - beyond either of your capabilities to control - the marriage just came to an end... write in precise detail exactly what is making you angry, and why.

Put it in letter form to your ex-husband and really tell him everything that has been, and is bothering you.

Let him know that you are a person with wants and needs too.

Stand in front of a mirror and "rehearse" an angry confrontation with your ex-husband and/or anyone else involved.

Make an appointment with your priest or minister; or find a friend who'll listen as you explain the frustration, hurt and futility you feel.

Regardless of how you do it, it is an absolute necessity that you let it all out. This anger and bitterness you feel is like a poison that you must cleanse from your soul.

The sooner you get rid of it, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life –re-gain your mental health and position yourself for happiness.

Finally, there'll come a day when you'll no longer be bothered by thoughts of your ex-husband.

It won't even bother you when you see him with another woman, and that'll be the day when you've finally accepted the fact that your marriage to him is over.

You will have truly let go of him, and will be ready for a new try at happiness.

Your progress from being rejected by your husband (or wife) to acceptance of the fact that you don't want him (or here) if he/she doesn't want you, and positioning you for a second chance, won't come easily.

It may take you about two and a half to three years.

You must understand the damage you've sustained, the healing that's required, and the time it's going to take to get well.

May these insights into divorce and how to cope with it help you to re-discover yourself and sustain you for a better future.

Warmly,

I-key Benney

I-key, a Millionaire CEO from New York City is the creator of "Mscsrrr: Millionaire Secret Cash System", (online commodity trading) program which has helped thousands of ordinary people from all over the world to attain financial security and shining success during the past 2 yrs.

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Divorce Statistics And Effects Of Divorce On Children

There are many couples today that cannot make their marriage work and they jump to the conclusion that they must get a divorce. This is something that both parties may agree to or just one person in the relationship may have this idea on their mind. Either way, it is the ending of a marriage and something that needs to be thought about very carefully before doing going through with it.

A divorce will sometimes be called a decree of dissolution of a marriage. It is a legal process that has to go through the divorce courts. You cannot have just anyone terminate your marriage. It is final and it is a very serious matter that two people need to think about when their marriage is not making them happy. However there are things that a couple can do first before they decide to actually get divorced.

A divorce is the termination process of a valid marriage between two people. There are different reasons for divorce for different people. Many times a couple will try many other actions before they go ahead and file for a divorce. They may try counseling or talking to one another. They may also decide to take a vacation away from everyone else and try to work it all out. Sometimes it is just not possible to get through all the hard times and move past them with a happy marriage. It is sometimes the only choice between two people.

With a divorce the parties or court will resolve all the issues that are between them like the house, and other property that they jointly own, child custody and visitation as well as support in the form of alimony and from whom. There are many people that end their marriage peacefully and yet there are others that make it drag on for many years because they cannot agree on anything for the divorce. In fact current divorce statistics show that 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.

The process of the divorce is going to be hard on all the parties, but the effects of divorce on children needs to be carefully monitored. This is something that can really upset them and it is important to make sure that they get the care and the love that they need to understand that everything will be all right, and that they are not to be concerned with anything that the adults go through. This will help to comfort them and give them the secure feeling that all children need in this time of separation.

Divorce does not mean that the two people that were once married can no longer speak or have a normal friendship. In fact it is recommended that if there is children involved the divorced parents need to work together to make a divorce as easy as possible. This will keep everyone happy and make the divorce not seem so cold as many do.

Michael Spencer owns and operates http://www.divorceandlife.com Divorce Statistics

Divorce Recovery And Personal Principles - Maintain Clear Direction During The Chaos Of Divorce Reco

Divorce recovery often leaves us feeling lost, off-balance, disoriented, and vulnerable. Sometimes we feel as if we are careening off course and out of control. Our personal principles can give us confidence by reassuring us we are on course in our journey to a successful and satisfying life after divorce.

Divorce Recovery is Like Driving Down the Interstate in a Fog
An image that made sense to me when I was neck-deep in the divorce recovery process was driving down the interstate in a dense fog. A very real question for me was, "How can I make sure I stay in the road and not drive into the ditch?" Fortunately, superhighways have a way of reminding us when we are straying off course - those rat-a-tat-tat bumps on the side of the road that warn us we are getting too close to the shoulder. Our personal principles perform the same function - warning us when we are veering off course.

An Example of How Your Personal Principles Can Help Your Recovery from Divorce
A client of mine was having trouble negotiating the choppy waters of life after divorce. Some of his issues were: "How should I deal with my ex?" "What do I do about dating?" "How should I manage the proceeds of the sale of my Soho loft?" These, and other related issues, were driving him crazy. He had trouble focusing on one without another wedging its way into his head. Metaphorically, he was trying to go forward in a fog. When asked what his primary personal principles were in dealing with this time in his life, he responded, "The welfare of my two children." With that, the fog lifted. He realized that using his primary principle of "what's best for my kids" as a compass gave him clarity for traveling the blurry road of divorce recovery.

The Promise - You Can Make a Successful Recovery from Divorce Because You Have Stability of Direction
The good news is, we all carry a compass we can use when lost and vulnerable. It will guide us through the maze of divorce recovery with a true feeling of stability and control. That compass is our set of personal principles. Our principles give us a way to determine if our decisions and actions are right or wrong for us in this specific divorce recovery situation. All we have to do is ask, "Is this consistent with or is it against my principles?" The answer will set you free to travel the murky waters of life after divorce.

To learn more about the divorce recovery process and how you can speed up your return to a "normal" life, you are invited to visit http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com To get a free assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level you are invited to visit http://www.smoothdivorcerecovery.com/divstress.htm I help divorced clients return to the mainstream of life with renewed hope, unfettered by the chains of anger, resentment, and shame that accompany divorce.

My name is Jerald Young. I am a transition consultant and divorce recovery coach and I wish you the very best in making a smooth recovery from divorce.

When Divorce Hurts Too Long - Stages of Divorce ( #3 in a series of 15)

There is the thought in the mental health community that anyone who feels they had no idea their ex-spouse or ex-girl/boy friend was unhappy, may not have been reading the signs. They may have been ignoring them hoping they would go away if no attention was paid to them. This is not typically the case. If a spouse or significant other is unhappy or dissatisfied in their marriage or relationship, they are more than likely exhibiting behaviors that reflect this dissatisfaction.

Some examples of these behaviors include:

being a workaholic and being disengaged from the family

main interest is being with the guys or gals and partying

living separate lives – different interests, different friends, different goals etc.

change in level of affection

change in level of interest shown in being with spouse

There are so many different kinds of behaviors that can indicate dissatisfaction with a relationship that a whole book could be written just to cover all of them. These examples just scratch the surface.

The Stages of Divorce identified below were developed based on the different feelings, sensations, thoughts, and fears that occur in the midst of the divorce process, when the divorce process is over, and when someone, who has slipped into Post Marital Stress (PMS) disorder, finally walks away from it. If you haven’t read either of the first two articles in this series, here is a brief description of PMS.

Everyone deals with grief and loss differently and at a different pace, most people move on after a divorce or ended relationship within 2-3 years. This is a bit hard to quantify precisely because humans are unique. The key element to look for over those two to three years is forward progress.

Some people who have gone through a break-up or divorce get stuck and do not make forward progress. This is evidenced by continuing to grieve the loss of a spouse and the family they had known and bemoaning their lot in life. Even more than just getting stuck, they veer off and go down a path of bitterness, anger, victimization, and martyrdom. When this occurs they have a full blown case of Post Marital Stress disorder.

The Stages of Divorce theory is based on change theory which purports that when something changes in a person’s life, there are a series of stages or steps that accompany that change. These stages can range from hardly noticeable to excruciatingly painful…depending on the change.

A well known example of this type of change theory is the developmental milestones children go through from birth to about the age of 5-6. There are hundreds of different developmental milestone charts that map out what children should be doing developmentally at different ages.

So, taking this concept of developmental milestones to the next level, there are divorce or relationship break-up developmental milestones for recovery too and they are:

STAGE ONE is wondering if you want a divorce. This stage may have two possible endings.

The first possibility is when a spouse or partner begins thinking about whether they want to break-up or get a divorce. If the answer is YES then they moves into Stage Two.

The second possibility is that the spouse or partner, thinking about whether they want a to break-up or get a divorce, decides they DO want a divorce but decide NOT to move into Stage Two for various reasons. These reasons may be healthy viable reasons but more often than not they are unhealthy because they are made out of fear of retribution, fear of being alone, fear of being physically hurt etc.

STAGE TWO is asking for a divorce or being told by your spouse that she wants a divorce

STAGE THREE is going through the divorce proceedings

STAGE FOUR is becoming single. This is the stage where someone begins to become a healthy happy individual or starts to move down the path of PMS.

STAGE FIVE is learning how to be a happy well adjusted single person. If an individual gets stuck in Stage Four they will not move to this level until they receive intensive individual therapy of some sort.

The author is a survivor of Post Marital Stress (PMS) disorder. She has a Ph.D in Educational Psychology with years of experience in the fields of human development and mental health. This blend of personal experience and education and work experience make for a well rounded and solid look at relationships, divorce, marriage, and love.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mary_Johnson-Gerard

 

Celebrity Divorce Lawyer Will Handle The Divorce Case Efficiently

Every other case that is being filed in the court of law requires the handling of some or the other special lawyer for it. There are a variety of cases that are fought in the courts. Divorce cases, child custody case, recovering compensation case and many other civil or criminal cases are being fought. When it comes to the matter of fighting the divorce case, then the assistance of divorce lawyer is sought after. Whether it happens to be a celebrity divorce case or the general category one, divorce lawyer has to be professionally qualified for that. After all, divorce is a sensitive issue that requires careful listening and arguing certain points that will decide the matter.

If you are planning to become a celebrity divorce lawyer, then you have to take care of many things. First of all, you are required to acquire a specialized degree in this area of law practice and the degree has to be of a recognized institution. After completing your celebrity divorce lawyer specialization degree, you should immediately become a member of the state bar of that particular area. In doing so, you will get to have a validation certificate to carry out your law practice. It will also help you in having access to all the divorce law books that will be of great help to you.

In order to make yourself more efficient in your practice, it is always better to work on internship basis and that too under the guidance of senior lawyer. In doing so, you will learn about the ways and methods that can be applied in handling the celebrity divorce cases. Being a celebrity divorce lawyer is not an easy task. You have to mug up all the previous and new laws regarding this matter and apply them carefully wherever necessary. As a celebrity divorce lawyer, you will be representing your client in the court of law and have to take care that necessary laws are being applied to turn the cession in your client’s favor.

One of the important aspects that a celebrity divorce lawyer has to handle is the custody of the child. In this case, the judge will listen to both the parties and decide on the matter that who will carry on the upbringing of the child. In order to handle this issue, being a celebrity divorce lawyer, you have to be updated on all the laws that will be helpful in representing the case in the court. Another issue that may come across you as a celebrity divorce lawyer is the case of recovering compensation for proper upbringing of child. In this matter, you will have to guide your client in certain controversial issues that may crop up within the case hearings.

Today, the market is really competitive and you may find other fellow celebrity divorce lawyer that will be offering their services in affordable rates. You have to analyze the market results and keep your price reasonable, so that you can polish your law practice more and more. Another thing you can do is have an official site of yours, so that a variety of celebrities and other important people may come across your work efficiency.

Damyel Flower is an experienced divorce lawyer. He has successfully handled many divorce cases.He gives advice to clients who are looking for Art lawyer,Divorce lawyer NYC,Pre-nup lawyer.To hire services of a lawyer in New York and any legal advice visit www.mtllp.com