Divorce Statistics And Effects Of Divorce On Children

There are many couples today that cannot make their marriage work and they jump to the conclusion that they must get a divorce. This is something that both parties may agree to or just one person in the relationship may have this idea on their mind. Either way, it is the ending of a marriage and something that needs to be thought about very carefully before doing going through with it.

A divorce will sometimes be called a decree of dissolution of a marriage. It is a legal process that has to go through the divorce courts. You cannot have just anyone terminate your marriage. It is final and it is a very serious matter that two people need to think about when their marriage is not making them happy. However there are things that a couple can do first before they decide to actually get divorced.

A divorce is the termination process of a valid marriage between two people. There are different reasons for divorce for different people. Many times a couple will try many other actions before they go ahead and file for a divorce. They may try counseling or talking to one another. They may also decide to take a vacation away from everyone else and try to work it all out. Sometimes it is just not possible to get through all the hard times and move past them with a happy marriage. It is sometimes the only choice between two people.

With a divorce the parties or court will resolve all the issues that are between them like the house, and other property that they jointly own, child custody and visitation as well as support in the form of alimony and from whom. There are many people that end their marriage peacefully and yet there are others that make it drag on for many years because they cannot agree on anything for the divorce. In fact current divorce statistics show that 1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce.

The process of the divorce is going to be hard on all the parties, but the effects of divorce on children needs to be carefully monitored. This is something that can really upset them and it is important to make sure that they get the care and the love that they need to understand that everything will be all right, and that they are not to be concerned with anything that the adults go through. This will help to comfort them and give them the secure feeling that all children need in this time of separation.

Divorce does not mean that the two people that were once married can no longer speak or have a normal friendship. In fact it is recommended that if there is children involved the divorced parents need to work together to make a divorce as easy as possible. This will keep everyone happy and make the divorce not seem so cold as many do.

Michael Spencer owns and operates http://www.divorceandlife.com Divorce Statistics

Divorce Recovery And Personal Principles - Maintain Clear Direction During The Chaos Of Divorce Reco

Divorce recovery often leaves us feeling lost, off-balance, disoriented, and vulnerable. Sometimes we feel as if we are careening off course and out of control. Our personal principles can give us confidence by reassuring us we are on course in our journey to a successful and satisfying life after divorce.

Divorce Recovery is Like Driving Down the Interstate in a Fog
An image that made sense to me when I was neck-deep in the divorce recovery process was driving down the interstate in a dense fog. A very real question for me was, "How can I make sure I stay in the road and not drive into the ditch?" Fortunately, superhighways have a way of reminding us when we are straying off course - those rat-a-tat-tat bumps on the side of the road that warn us we are getting too close to the shoulder. Our personal principles perform the same function - warning us when we are veering off course.

An Example of How Your Personal Principles Can Help Your Recovery from Divorce
A client of mine was having trouble negotiating the choppy waters of life after divorce. Some of his issues were: "How should I deal with my ex?" "What do I do about dating?" "How should I manage the proceeds of the sale of my Soho loft?" These, and other related issues, were driving him crazy. He had trouble focusing on one without another wedging its way into his head. Metaphorically, he was trying to go forward in a fog. When asked what his primary personal principles were in dealing with this time in his life, he responded, "The welfare of my two children." With that, the fog lifted. He realized that using his primary principle of "what's best for my kids" as a compass gave him clarity for traveling the blurry road of divorce recovery.

The Promise - You Can Make a Successful Recovery from Divorce Because You Have Stability of Direction
The good news is, we all carry a compass we can use when lost and vulnerable. It will guide us through the maze of divorce recovery with a true feeling of stability and control. That compass is our set of personal principles. Our principles give us a way to determine if our decisions and actions are right or wrong for us in this specific divorce recovery situation. All we have to do is ask, "Is this consistent with or is it against my principles?" The answer will set you free to travel the murky waters of life after divorce.

To learn more about the divorce recovery process and how you can speed up your return to a "normal" life, you are invited to visit http://www.SmoothDivorceRecovery.com To get a free assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level you are invited to visit http://www.smoothdivorcerecovery.com/divstress.htm I help divorced clients return to the mainstream of life with renewed hope, unfettered by the chains of anger, resentment, and shame that accompany divorce.

My name is Jerald Young. I am a transition consultant and divorce recovery coach and I wish you the very best in making a smooth recovery from divorce.

Hidden Dangers of Divorce for the Naive and What to Do to Make a Better Divorce

The system of family law is inherently flawed. It is adversarial where it need not be, and when it needs to be strong it often fails the client. Civil Codes and family laws are ignored. Lawyers perjure themselves for their clients, make character assassinations and other heinous acts as routine as filing a motion. Lawyers are abusive, expensive and when they become the problem instead of the solution, it's time to say so.

I first learned this in my own divorce - where better to learn than firsthand?

I was caught in a huge attempt at concealing fraud, with my husband and his attorney in collusion to conceal it, then Kafkaesquelike, planning to blame it on me. They announced this at a settlement conference when asked by the pro tem judge, "Why are you going to trial, there is evidence of the fraud?"

With breathtaking nonchalance, opposing counsel prepared to assist my husband in implicating me in fraud.

At the time I thought I was the only one anything like this happened to. Over the years I have come to learn how common it is.

It took a lot of discovery to unearth the fraud including subpoeanas of clients. I won, but the cost was high. If opposing counsel not been so malignant in encouraging the fraud upon the court, it is possible we might have settled. But how would he earn his $350.00 an hour if we settle? Greed and ego play a big part in the cash cow known as family law. After losing at trial, he wanted an appeal, which they lost. Still on the warpath, opposing counsel wanted to go to the Supreme Court. However by now, my ex had spent enough on his losing battle and stopped the war.

Recently in Dallas there was a judge so incompetent she thought she had the right to eliminate evidence proving sexual abuse. She was exposed and did not get re-elected, but the trauma to the people in her court is severe and they suffer still.

In California, I recently read a transcript where the judge knowingly begins a trial at the wrong time and without both sides present. He ignores this and proceeds without the mother. This was a custody trial. Can you imagine the lack of judicial ethics to begin a trial at the wrong time? Due process? Gone. Constitutional rights? Ignored. This is family court.

In another case, a Silicon Valley attorney announces she is a 'prima donna' as if that excuses her abusive treatment of clients, and worse, the outrageous billing for doing nothing. She told one client: "Don't do discovery. Go ahead and lose and we'll get the money later." Really? I hope one of her clients files a bar complaint or sues for malpractice. She should be flipping burgers not bon mots.

In My Divorce

Shocked, stunned and filled with rage at the lack of human compassion, at the malignancy that was this process, I felt trapped. But slowly, a change was washing over me. The more I learned about narcissism and evil, the more I gladly wore the badge they pinned on me labeled "target" . They were working very hard to "get me", so hard that they had to recreate a world in which I am expendable and they are to get their way. Oh, dear husband, you never focused on me during the marriage as you did then. With humor and grace, as Richard Cohen puts it, I look with amusement at how much time, energy and money he directed at me now.

I was distraught, depressed and angry. Alexander Hamilton said, "The first duty of society is justice." Where the hell was it?

Divorce lawyers taught me not only are women supposed to be inferior, they run their cases as if we actually are. Divorce is a paternalistic system, even with many female attorneys. It is built on control, concealment of information, and a swirl of paperwork that makes the process understood only by the anointed few.

Sometimes I think "law" is an acronym for lawyers against women. While all the men exit stage left, let me say I also believe the law can be an equal opportunity bastard and be unjust, unfair and biased against anyone or anything.

Why is Divorce Often Harder for Women?

Women are not trained to fight and divorce can be war. Women do not believe it will get dirty and nasty. They do not see their spouse as one who can and will do things which harm everyone including the children. But when money and ego are involved spouses can act without a conscience. You may be amazed at the transformation of your spouse, morphing from someone you knew as kind and compassionate to a stranger who fights with a passion.

With an aggressive, greed driven attorney behind him, he can become brainwashed and encouraged to whip himself into a frenzy.

Money translates into power in the legal system. It allows those who want to punish their spouses the ability to do so legally. As long as there is money, there is someone to represent them.

Inquiring minds want to know: is it possible to have a positive legal experience when dealing with a group of people who believe the truth is a manipulative?

Maybe. Find out more at http://www.divorceandlawyers.com or http://www.narcissisticabuse.com where Ann Bradley, M.A. shares her experience and information.

5 Divorce Minefields ...Role Of The Certified Divorce Financial Planner

Over 50% of married couples re-join the ranks of the un-married. Love, and relationship building, may be fickle stuff. But, it's pale soup compared to the dark complexities of asset carve-outs and divorce settlements when matters of money, tax and law intersect. Possibility for mistakes? Absolutely, unless couples hire an expert form the emerging class of certified divorce financial analysts. Getting married is like a stroll in the rose garden.

Getting a divorce is an open "minefield" of dangers to know about.

Divorce Minefield #1 - The Family Home. "You take the home...I'll take the bank accounts, the 401.K and the kids...50-50 split, OK?" Hold on. What looks like a ledger balance may contain some lurking tax issues which a divorce specialist financial advisor needs to identify. A divorce decree may be the "end of the road" position, but couples may wait for much of a year before a judge rules. Meanwhile, older appraisals of the family home may be completely out-of-line with either rises or declines in the local property market values.

* What The Certified Divorce Financial Planner Advises. Fluid values, like the housing and stock markets, mean that you and your financial investment management advisor need to consider (a). whether to sell the house while you're still married in order to fully shield you from capital gains taxes or...

(b). re-title the house in your name...but introduce restrictive covenants or terms and conditions within the divorce decree to shield a future home sale from capital gains tax liability.

Divorce Minefield #2 - Market Investments, 401.K Retirement Accounts. Getting into the numbers, and knowing what to look for, is the meat-and-gravy diet of certified divorce financial analysts.

* Stock Portfolios. A stock portfolio, in real time, is a composition in value. Dividing a stock portfolio, as a divorce investment management analyst will point out, requires stopping trading activity and then doing a trade-by-trade analysis for losses and/or capital gains tax liabilities in order to determine a true, fair and current portfolio value. And what about valuing hedge funds and their portfolios of private equity companies, mutual funds and the slippery-slope of stock-options? Any and all financial assets have to be wrung-out of their market activity focus and examined for net present value.

401.K Employer Funded Retirement Accounts. Determining future values of the tax-deferred 401.K plans...and then comparing those values with real property assets may lead to unsuspected imbalances. So, what do couples need to know? The handy certified divorce financial planner will advise that couples need a Qualified Domestic Relations order...ordered by a court of competent jurisdiction and approved by the named employer. And what does this QDRO court order do? This court order creates the rules for making transfers to an IRA account...or making early withdrawals under age 59 ½ without the customary 10% penalty tax, albeit with ordinary income tax imposed on the withdrawal. Advice? Get the QDRO court document ASAP and prior to the divorce in order to lock-in benefits. Your divorced financial advisor will point out that this detail, the QDRO, only applies to 401.K portfolio accounts...transfers between IRA account occur without penalty tax.

Divorce Minefield #3 - Who Gets The Kids...And The Tax Breaks? A simple question. But, huge drama and emotional complexity when parceling out kids and future lives, designated spousal visitation rights and so on. Yet, the rules for expense deductions are clear: only one (1) parent, the legal guardian, can take deductions for the kids as "dependents" on the annual tax returns.

Divorce Minefield #4 - Alimony Payments. The flip-flop nature of the tax code reveals itself, as the certified divorce financial analyst will point out. The party "paying" alimony can deduct the payments. However, the party "receiving" alimony payments must report the incoming payments as ordinary income, and pay tax. "Fair is fair" coming from an emotional roller coaster divorce action is not a defensible argument when it comes to facing the tax man.

* Hot Tip For Keeping The Alimony Payments Flowing. Your divorce financial advisor will recommend that the "alimony receiving" spouse take out a simple term life insurance policy on her ex...creating a back-up that future payments will be delivered, even if the paying spouse dies.

Divorce Minefield #5 - Wills And Trusts. Nothing fouls the divorce works better than out-dated wills and trust documents. Advice? Correct and refresh all family estate documents, by having your certified divorce financial analyst meet with local competent estate and divorce lawyers.

Bottom line: Discover "divorce made easier...and smarter" via the new breed of certified divorce financial planners. Please go to the following links for up-to-date information.

Divorce Attorney: http://www.wise4living.com/ldivatt/

State Divorce Law: http://www.wise4living.com/ldivstate/

Author Robin Derry is publisher for http://www.wise4living.com/ a specialty knowledge site that gives insights and solutions on certified financial divorce analysts, spendthrift trusts and family law legal needs, digital hearing aids, plasma and LCD TV stand design trends, wall mount and TV ceiling mount systems, cat fencing, underground dog fence solutions, wireless and radio dog fence technologies, dog runs and deer fence pet containment fences, outdoor deck planter box designs, deck lighting solutions, outdoor deck railing ideas, advice on building deck stairs, home and gardening projects such as decks and deer fencing, HDTV and home entertainment systems, specialty academic camps, auto tire and wheels technology trends, medical spas, technology trends, unique gift designs, technology gifts, tips for families committed to youth summer camps, body health, household, sport, travel, footwear, education, and much more.

This is Not Your Parent's Divorce - 7 Ways Divorce is Different Today

1. More people are getting divorced. 50% of all first marriages end in divorce. 60% of second marriages end up in divorce. This is nothing like divorce of even 20 years ago.

2.The cost of divorce is escalating. In southern California some divorce attorneys charge $650 an hour or more. We are beginning to see a two tiered system: the upper middle classes and above hire a divorce attorney. Everyone else goes in pro per (represents themselves) due to lack of funds. Legal services are priced like any other service in a free market economy. Whatever the market will bear is the price we pay. With so many needing a divorce, an attorney can choose the well off and ignore the rest.

3. Lawyers can be picky. Even within the selected group that can afford an attorney, attorneys are so busy they can pick and choose their clients. Too many red flags and they will not take your case. A red flag can be female, lack of sufficient assets to litigate for a long time. Why is a woman a red flag? Lawyers don't want stories, and women like to tell the history of the marriage. Women often don't control the funds and it is easier to obtain a retainer from a male. Women are often more emotional and this puts them at a disadvantage.

4. More custody battles. The tender years doctrine is, alas, gone. Little babies are being taken from moms and given more visiting time to dad and sometimes sole custody. If mothers want their children, they often have to fight for them in a long and protracted battle.

5. Divorce has become a 60 billion plus industry. This includes what has come to be known as the "whores of the court." These are the evaluators, guadian at litems, therapists, career counselors and forensic accountants. The more you fight about, the more they pop up like mushrooms. You have a right to question, and say no to these people. If your attorney tells you otherwise, find someone who will tell you the truth.

6. A marriage is an economic unit controlled by the state. Marriages have become more complex as our financial lives have become more complex. Breaking up is not simple. It has all the elements of a corporation and must be treated as such. Breach of fiduciary duty used to be a concept most often talked about in the corporate world. Now, it relates as much to ending the economic unit called marriage.

7. People in their 40's, 50"s and 60's make up most of the divorce population. It didn't used to be this way. This demographic has more money, houses, boats, toys in general. This leads to a lot of hidden assets. Men are generally better at hiding assets than women. When a woman tells her attorney, "I know there is more - he's hiding assets." she is probably right. But watch out...the biggest change in years in divorce has not impacted the attorneys. They do not do proper discovery, they are left behind with the world of easier less complex divorces. Consider a civil litigator rather than a family law attorney to handle complex property matters.

Ready for the next marriage? PRENUP!

If you want more information on how the 'new' face of divorce impacts you and tips on how to navigate the system, find out how at http://www.narcissisticabuse.com and http://www.divorceandlawyers.com