Thinking About Divorce - A Review Of How To Decide If You Should Divorce

Making the decision to separate or divorce is one of the most critical decisions that you will ever make. That decision is compounded when there are children involved.

When we fall in love, walk down the isle and say “I Do”, we really believe that we have found our “Happy Ending”. I don’t know about you, but I had always envisioned a happy life complete with my prince charming. Perhaps one of the most eye opening days of my life was the day that I really realized that I was not living that “Happily Ever After” that I had planned, and it certainly was not with my “Prince Charming”.

I struggled for years trying to make a decision of whether to stay or go. Will it get better….or worse? I agonized over the decision and could not seem to get any peace over what I should do. Some of my closest friends would advise me to leave while others would remind me of what I would be giving up should I go. I was in a constant state of indecision.

Looking at my situation, I was further confused when I tried to figure out what was best for my two children...what our families would say…what friends would say…how would I be able to make it alone…and the list went on. It seemed like there were so many little voices in my head, half telling me I should leave and the other half telling me I should stay.

Lucky for me, I found real help in a resource called “How To Decide If You Should Divorce” by Lisa Christopher. Because Lisa has been right where you are, she provides a step-by-step formula to reach a well thought out, careful decision. One that’s right for you! It's different than anything else I have seen on divorce.

Lisa helps you avoid the mistakes that she made. She says that there are 3 myths to divorce that we as women tend to believe. The first one is that marriage, even an unhappy one, is better than any divorce. The second myth is that divorce is always bad for the children. The third one is that marriage equals success and divorce means failure. Do any of those sound familiar to you? They sure did to me! Lisa helps you see each of these myths as they really are and she helps you uncover your true feelings about each one as well as other things that might be keeping you confused about what you should do.

What I like best about “How To Decide If You Should Divorce” is that Lisa helps you see your whole situation in a light where you can be certain of your decision, without trying to persuade you in one direction or the other. It’s a great feeling to know someone really understands!

There are women who have considered divorce for years and cannot make up their minds. Their unhappiness continues, their marriages are getting worse, and they keep going round and round inside their heads about whether or not they should divorce, with no end in sight. That was me. Is that you too?

I highly recommend Lisa Christopher’s resource, “How To Decide If You Should Divorce” for anyone who is earnestly seeking direction in whether to stay or leave their marriage.

For More Information About "How To Decide If You Should Divorce", visit: hgpsuccess.com/shouldileave.html

Divorce Asset Protection - How to Protect Your Assets During Divorce

How to protect your assets during a divorce? Protecting assets through a divorce can be a complex financial process further complicated by the emotional devastation. If you are going through a divorce it may be important to you to determine ahead of time what your assets are and how you will protect them from your spouse.

The first step will be to hire a lawyer familiar with the laws for dividing property in your state. Good legal council will prove invaluable in defending your claims to property and can give you names of appraisers and accountants to help your case. Your divorce lawyer will also assist you on how to remove any Powers of Attorney granted to your spouse for control of your property and finances.

There are several steps you should consider when trying to protect your assets during Divorce:

1. Identify everything that was given to you as a gift or family heirloom.

2. Identify community property.

3. Hire a professional appraiser.

4. Figure out how you will split retirement and physical assets.

IDENTIFY GIFTS AND FAMILY HEIRLOOM TO PROTECT ASSETS DURING DIVORCE

A camera will prove to be your best friend during a divorce. You should make a list of all items which were given to you before and after the wedding and take pictures of these items prior to removing them from the residence. Once you have compiled your list you should remove all your personal items to a location not easily accessible to your spouse.

Your spouse will be within their rights to claim any items you leave behind in the residence and do not immediately claim. If you or your spouse left the residence voluntarily, either of you is entitled to return at any time and retrieve belongings. If locks have been changed, except in the case of a court order, you are within your rights to have a locksmith open the doors. Your next step will be obtaining, if possible, written proof of who gave you the items and when they were received.

COMMUNITY PROPERTY ASSETS

Community property of assets refers to the belongings shared by you and your spouse, such as the furniture, pots and pans, etc. It is important to take pictures of these belongings as well before you remove the items you wish to claim as your own. Photographs are especially valuable if there are expensive items you would like to have but did not have the ability to move and you feel your spouse may try to take them. All photographs should be kept in a secure location not readily accessible by your spouse.

HIRE A PROFESSIONAL, INDEPENDENT APPRAISER FOR DIVORCE ASSET PROTECTION

Division of property during a divorce is determined by the fair market value of the disputed items to ensure one party is not being favored over the other during settlement. An appraiser will be necessary to determine accurate estimates, although you should consult your lawyer on finding a qualified individual.

Using the same accountant who handled your assets in the past may seem suspicious and a court may order another appraisal or rule in favor of your spouse’s accountant. It is critical that an appraisal be straightforward and unbiased for the protection of assets during Divorce.

ESTATE PLANNER CONSULTATION TO DIVIDE AND PROTECT ASSETS DURING DIVORCE

When considering how to divide assets prior to divorce settlement, it is wise to consult a professional estate planner or financial analyst. For example, if you are thinking about selling your home it may be wise to do so prior to settlement since you are entitled to deduct up to $500,000 of the sale from capital gain taxes.

Selling the home after the divorce is final and reduces your benefit to only half of the sale price. Retirement assets and stocks should also be discussed. If you and your spouse choose to split the retirement benefits you must sign a Qualified Domestic-Relations Order (QDRO) which notifies the pension sponsors how to pay the benefits. Although you cannot take stocks in your spouse’s name you may be entitled to the proceeds once they are sold.

EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE ON DIVORCE ASSET PROTECTION

Some states, such as New York, are known as “equitable distribution” states. “Equitable” mean “fair” and assets will not be divided right down the middle based on their fair market value. Division of assets according to New York Divorce law states that all property obtained prior to the marriage still belongs to the individual and all property obtained afterwards will be distributed by the court based on established guidelines.

The factors a court considers in equitable distribution states for divorce assets are:

1. The difference in income and property from when the marriage began to the date divorce was filed.

2. The age of both individuals and how long they were married.

3. The needs of a parent who has won full custody of children involved (i.e. will they need the house to properly care for the child?).

4. Any loss of pension or inheritance.

5. What contributions the parties made to acquire the property.

6. Future earning potential of both parties.

7. Tax consequences.

If you are considering divorce it is wise to consult a lawyer as soon as possible to ensure the protection of your assets and help you understand your rights as they pertain to individual state law. For maximum protection Estate Street Partners is available for consultation during and before a divorce.

Author bio - Rocco Beatrice, CPA, MST, MBA
Award-winning estate planning & trust expert
MS - Taxation, Master of Science Taxation
MBA - Management / Taxation
BSBA - Management / Accounting
CPA - Certified Public Accountant
-----
Asset Protection Irrevocable Trust, Estate Planning
Hide Your Assets Now
71 Commercial Street #150, Boston, MA 02109
tel: +1.508.429.0011 fax: +1.508.429.3034

Rhode Island Divorce - Women Can Hurt Their Own divorce!

As a Rhode Island lawyer I focus my practice on divorce and family law and I can tell you that I see this kind of thing all the time though I refuse to partake in it. Some women who feel scorned however will use any information they receive from friends, family, lawyers, etc... to exact any amount of pain and or retribution they can from their spouse regardless of the consequences to their actions to their spouse, to their spouse's family, to their children and sometimes even surprisingly to themselves.

Since I like using analogies and stories that I have seen in practice, a practical example here will help.

Pam's relationship with her husband Jerry has broken down. She isn't quite sure why although the tell-tale signs seem to be there. He is frequently working late. When he comes home there is little or no communication between he and his wife. Usually he doesn't stay home long but leaves to go do something or claims (at the age of 48 to be going out to play Dungeons & Dragons with his group of buddies). Yes, some true stories are odder than fiction. Jerry, however, seems to have some strange fetish for Pam's oldest daughter Casey who is 31 years old and lives the next town over because he is always going over to see her. Or. . . at least this is what Pam discovers later on.

Pam sees the marriage breaking down and she can't live like this anymore so she tells Jerry. Jerry immediately moves out, takes a few of his choicest possessions and goes to stay with his mom and dad for a bit. Pam suspects that something is going on but isn't sure what.

The police show up at Pam's doorstep not long after and ask if she has any knowledge about Jerry's activities. Pam is confused. The police officer's badge says "Narcotics Division". Pam is worried. After a few questions Pam learns they are looking into Jerry and his possible sales of heroine to minors. Pam is aware that her daughter Casey once had some issues with drugs in her early years.

Pam is very upset and speaks with Casey who tells her mother that she is addicted to heroine and that her husband Jerry is not only an addict but that he has been dealing heroine for more than a year.

Pam speaks with her Rhode Island divorce lawyer who indicates to her that since Jerry still has a good job then she has the opportunity to get alimony through her divorce but that her claim may now be at risk because of Jerry's activities.

Pam says that she wants all the assets because Jerry is dealing drugs even though she has no proof that Jerry is a dealer or is even addicted.

Pam asks her lawyer about what happens to alimony if Jerry goes to jail. Pam's divorce lawyer simply asks her a question.

Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer: Pam, Do you think he can pay you any alimony if he is in jail?

Pam: No.

Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer: Then do you think it's in your best interests to have Jerry put in jail when you are making a claim for alimony?

Pam: No.

Pam is very upset and now believes that the drugs are the reason for the divorce. She is furious and let's the narcotics officers search the house and gather any information they want on Jerry. Pam becomes an informant for them on Jerry's activities and wants to prove how bad Jerry is, make him regret he ever did this and have him pay for life.

Jerry is arrested and is caught red-handed with enough drugs to float a barge. Jerry is held without bail and the district attorney isn't offering any deals. There is virtually no doubt that Jerry will be going to prison for quite some time thanks to Pam's assistance.

Pam feels vindicated. Pam now wants all the assets and for him to pay alimony.

Jerry has lost his job and whatever money he has made has either been spent or disappeared.

Jerry has no ability to pay alimony in the eyes of the court, but after a conference with counsel and the family court judge it's the consensus that since the drugs did not affect the value of the existing assets that Jerry is still entitled to a portion of them even if Pam should receive a bit more because Jerry has been supporting her for more than 10 years.

Pam is outraged. Her attorney gets her about 80% of the assets in a settlement. Pam is upset because it just isn't enough in her eyes.

Pam dug a whole here. Her anger and her desire to get retribution for a horrible wrong that the wanted to put right caused Jerry to end up in jail sooner than he might have. Pam's cooperation and action with the law enforcement authorities could have been delayed until her divorce was completed or might have provided her with leverage against her husband to get 100% of the assets.

There are lots of pitfalls here and lots of things to consider. The point here is that Pam took action that was clearly detrimental to her divorce claims. Parties who go to trial rarely, if ever, get 100% of the assets of a marriage from a judge. The more realistic number is 60% if there is wrongdoing involved by one party.

Pam was not happy even though she should be. She got more in the divorce than the vast majority of all women who go through the Rhode Island Divorce process. The chances that Pam might have received more are very slim.

However, if there was any chance to get more than the 80% of the assets from the marital estate it was lost when Pam insured that Jerry went to jail before her divorce was completed. Pam lost site of her own financial best interests in order to feel vindicated.

This is not uncommon for this to occur with a man or a woman yet I see it more frequently with women who feel wronged in a marriage.

Rule of thumb would be to listen to you divorce lawyer. You can't expect to get the results you hope to achieve if you act against your own best interests and then expect your lawyer to repair the damage you've done and get you what you want in the end.

This article is for informational purposes only and is not legal advice. You should not take legal action without legal advice from a licensed practitioner who has been fully informed about your specific circumstances.

Visit http://ww.ChristopherPearsall.com for More Helpful Rhode Island Divorce Tips

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Divorce to Remarriage: Band-Aid or Brain Surgery After the Divorce?

Divorce stinks! It hurts a lot of people. Your children are hurt because the family they were a part of is over. Both you and your ex-spouse are hurt too. It doesn’t matter if you initiated the divorce or not, some hurt remains. There were hurtful things that happened in the marriage that lead to the divorce weren’t there? Withdrawal, attack, insults, infidelity, and outright anger are all typical steps that lead people down the road toward a divorce decision.

If that hurt isn’t dealt with it becomes an extra appendage that you carry with you wherever you go. Most people like to ignore that hurt and “move on” just as fast as possible. It’s understandable. I don’t think anyone’s first choice would be to choose pain. Instead, we like to slap a band-aid on our wounds and go, don’t we?

Well, that doesn’t work so well with divorce hurts. The old band-aid just isn’t enough. Instead, inflammation, and eventually infection tend to set in if ignored. It may not seem real obvious at first, but give it time. The real problem for most people is when they “move on” and carry that infection into a new marriage and the creation of a step family.

This is the first in a series of articles in which we will evaluate some of these infections and you will learn how to go about cleansing them, repairing them, and watching them heal. Most of the infections have to do with anger. This is the most common emotion felt during and right after a divorce. Yes, for some of you,

I look forward to sharing this journey with you. Consider this article a gift to yourself. Healing these infections is a great step toward effectively preparing yourself for a healthy and happy remarriage. Give yourself this gift and you will be on your way to experiencing Remarriage Success! Visit http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com for more information on how to prepare yourself and your family for a successful remarriage. I invite you to check out the new e-book "THE 7 Questions to Ask Before Saying 'I Do' Again" at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com/7questions.htm to learn the most important 7 questions you may ever ask yourself. Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success. She may be reached through her website at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com where she encourages your feedback and suggestions.

 maybe even a lot of you, there was an initial sense of relief once the decision to divorce was made. However, anger usually begins to creep in soon than later.

This is Not Your Parent's Divorce - 7 Ways Divorce is Different Today

1. More people are getting divorced. 50% of all first marriages end in divorce. 60% of second marriages end up in divorce. This is nothing like divorce of even 20 years ago.

2.The cost of divorce is escalating. In southern California some divorce attorneys charge $650 an hour or more. We are beginning to see a two tiered system: the upper middle classes and above hire a divorce attorney. Everyone else goes in pro per (represents themselves) due to lack of funds. Legal services are priced like any other service in a free market economy. Whatever the market will bear is the price we pay. With so many needing a divorce, an attorney can choose the well off and ignore the rest.

3. Lawyers can be picky. Even within the selected group that can afford an attorney, attorneys are so busy they can pick and choose their clients. Too many red flags and they will not take your case. A red flag can be female, lack of sufficient assets to litigate for a long time. Why is a woman a red flag? Lawyers don't want stories, and women like to tell the history of the marriage. Women often don't control the funds and it is easier to obtain a retainer from a male. Women are often more emotional and this puts them at a disadvantage.

4. More custody battles. The tender years doctrine is, alas, gone. Little babies are being taken from moms and given more visiting time to dad and sometimes sole custody. If mothers want their children, they often have to fight for them in a long and protracted battle.

5. Divorce has become a 60 billion plus industry. This includes what has come to be known as the "whores of the court." These are the evaluators, guadian at litems, therapists, career counselors and forensic accountants. The more you fight about, the more they pop up like mushrooms. You have a right to question, and say no to these people. If your attorney tells you otherwise, find someone who will tell you the truth.

6. A marriage is an economic unit controlled by the state. Marriages have become more complex as our financial lives have become more complex. Breaking up is not simple. It has all the elements of a corporation and must be treated as such. Breach of fiduciary duty used to be a concept most often talked about in the corporate world. Now, it relates as much to ending the economic unit called marriage.

7. People in their 40's, 50"s and 60's make up most of the divorce population. It didn't used to be this way. This demographic has more money, houses, boats, toys in general. This leads to a lot of hidden assets. Men are generally better at hiding assets than women. When a woman tells her attorney, "I know there is more - he's hiding assets." she is probably right. But watch out...the biggest change in years in divorce has not impacted the attorneys. They do not do proper discovery, they are left behind with the world of easier less complex divorces. Consider a civil litigator rather than a family law attorney to handle complex property matters.

Ready for the next marriage? PRENUP!

If you want more information on how the 'new' face of divorce impacts you and tips on how to navigate the system, find out how at http://www.narcissisticabuse.com and http://www.divorceandlawyers.com