Divorce - Crisis or Blessing - Turning Divorce into Something Wonderful

Okay, I admit it. I am the happiest divorced woman alive! And rightfully so. But this state of joy and bliss did not come to me right away. Oh, no, I worked for it and earned it, every minute of it. How did I get to this place of seventh-heaven, you ask? Let’s rewind the tape to the weeks leading up to the final court date. My initial reaction to divorce was like a form of death. I felt like a failure; and more importantly, there was this huge sense of loss, and my self-worth was at stake, which made this experience even more painful. My struggle for answers and for a sense of hope took me on a journey within. In the end, I found all I needed and a whole lot more.

Below are five suggestions I have for women who are struggling with divorce recovery or who are heading in that direction. What I suggest to you is what took me from a place of despair to a place of awesomeness.

(1) Learning to love yourself is first on the list. You are not a terrible person. Let’s settle that one first. So if you were thinking anything bad about yourself, you needn't go any further. And I have good news for you. When you really love yourself, really truly love yourself, you will no longer miss anything that is not good for you or that is not in your best interest. Do whatever you can to feel good about who you are. If you have problems getting started, here are two suggestions: first, always look your best, because if you look good, you will feel good. Second, grab yourself a blank notebook, and the next time you have your delicious cup of tea or coffee, make a list of everything that you are good at and everything you like about yourself. And most importantly, realize and accept the FACT that you are a wonderful human being, regardless of your marital status. And that's not because I say so but because... IT IS SO!

(2) Trust the universe. Trust the future. Trust that what you are going through is okay, and make peace with it. Trust that in time, you will see the value of this day.

(3) I cannot begin to tell you how therapeutic journaling is. Divorce is a time of discovery. You have all kinds of thoughts going through her head, and you need someplace to put them. Write about your thoughts, feelings, realizations, and ideas and you will learn, discover, and grow.

(4) Keep the lines of communications open with your friends and family, the people who really care about you, and don’t be afraid to share your grief. People care about you more than you know.

(5) And finally, here is the last tip, which is my favorite. Make this divorce better than okay. Make it magnificent. Make it awesome. Make it surreal. And how do you go about doing that, you ask? I’m so glad you asked, because I am dying to tell you. Start off by making a list of all the benefits of being where you are now in terms of your divorce. Then continue with everything you learned from your marriage and how you are changed in some way for the better. List all the ways you are going to be even more awesome than you were before. And for those of you who want to take it one step further, make this divorce one of the best things that could have ever happened to you. But how? There are different ways to go about it; I will share one way. Think of three different things that you could do over the next one to two years that would make you so proud. If you did this one thing, you would look at yourself in the mirror and say: "You rock!"

And when people say to you, "What happened? You always talked about starting your own business/ or writing a book/ or losing weight/ or going back to school/ or moving to Florida. So what happened this time?" You can look them proudly in the eye and say with a smile:--"It was that damn divorce. It brought out the best in me."

And then, my friend, you will be in touch with your true awesomeness.

Wishing you more joy than you can stand,

By Jessie Jamie Coleman

Jessie Jamie Coleman is an author, screenwriter, freelance writer and a self-esteem expert. She is the author of two self-discovery journals, "The Incredible, Awesome You" and "Where Will You Be in Two Years." She is currently at work on her first novel, "Off the Bed and Down on the Floor due out in the summer of 2008. For more information, visit her websites: http://www.autumngirlpress.com and http://www.jessiejamiecoleman.com